So I am turning 20 tomorrow (at 11:30 am) and I was thinking about the past two decades that has been my life. I have decided to share some thoughts with ya'll. First I am going to give a mini bio of my life thus far and share some thoughts I have had recently.
I was born March 16th, 1990 at 11:30 am at AV Hospital in Lancaster, Ca. My beautiful parents had been married for about four years then, my mom being 20 and my dad being 25. We lived in sunny California City until I was about 2 and then we headed to Seattle Washington so my dad would not lose his job. What I remember of my life in Washington is a lot of playing in forests, swimming in indoor pools, and lots of rain and snow. I do not remember my education at all, but apparently it was harder than the California school system.
At the age of 7, my family got the chance to move back to California City and we took it. It was nice to be back with our family (both sets of G-parents lived in CC even though my dad's mom had recently died from lung cancer). I felt out of place at the school but I eventually made some decent acquaintances. My school years were filled with trying to get straights A's because I wanted to be known for something and also with trying to fit in. I never really succeeded in the latter but I excelled in the first. I got along extremely well with my teachers and up until High school I think they were my only true friends.
Once I hit high school, I had ups and downs on the friendship train but I eventually found my niche. Juliet, Eirene, Nancy, Corie, Mary, and Shalena.....you guys made hs worth it! You guys taught me so much about what love can look like and I am sorry for not being there more for you all! I was so focused on how I could get ahead and not trusting in God to provide.
Thankfully, I am here at CSULB and God is growing me more than I have ever seen before. I am being challenged spiritually and really getting the accountability and discipleship I longed for back at home. Between Navs and Revolution Church LB, I am getting bombarded by the truth! [I want to give a special shout out to Alissa! You have really been willing to hit me with the truth and ask me some tough questions! Thank you for not just letting me go on in the lies that I used to cling to!] I am starting to realize that I haven't put my trust in God and that I felt that I needed to work to earn all the stuff I want in life. God is also showing me how to let go and let Him take over.
I have been listening to this song called "Wedding Dress" by Derek Webb and there is a part in there that has hit me pretty well the past week. It goes:
So could you love this bastard child?
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side
‘Cause I am so easily satisfied
By the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood
How true this portion of the song is! This is how I have been feeling and I know that God is faithful and will forgive me. I have been going through so many changes and I still cannot verbally describe what is going on inside me. When I can, I will let you know. Just pray for me to continue to seek God in all that I do and give over to Him my future!
