Monday, April 26, 2010

Why Do I Think This?

Why/Where =>Why do I think I am not good enough to ever be loved? Where is this idea coming from?
I see boys that I have had crushes on dating other girls and this makes me feel like "Hey?! Why was I not good enough?" I do not even have feelings for these guys any more. Why I am I so upset then? I did not get the Peer Mentor for Learning Alliance and when I looked at the list I thought "Hey?! I did better than some of them! Why did they get picked? Did I do something wrong?" When Kemper is too busy to hang out I feel like he doesn't care for me at all. I see my friends hanging out without me and I feel left out and unwanted. I see others getting better grades and I think that I am dumb. I put my hope and trust in the actions of people. When they don't fulfill my needs, I am hurt and feel like giving up. I get joy from them and when they let me down, I stumble. When I am not doing better than everyone around me, I feel like there is something wrong with me. I do not find my rest in Christ. Instead I try to rest on a stormy ocean. I am led by my feelings and my desire for attention. I crave love from the opposite sex more than from God. I say "God, I know that you are my husband but I want another." I wallow in my pitty for myself because I know my thoughts are wrong and my actions show my lack of faith that God will provide.
What does God have to say about this?
The lies:
  1. I am not good enough for the attention of others
  2. There is something wrong with me that makes me undesirable
  3. My friend's don't care about me
  4. I am stupid and incapable of pursuing my passion
  5. All I need to be happy is a boyfriend/husband
  6. I am a failure and God hates me
The Truth:
  1. I am good enough for the attention of others, but God does not want that for me [A case of Open and Closed doors]. He desires my attention and until that happens, He will not allow me to pursue the destructive desires of my heart. My heart is divided. (Jeremiah 29:11)
  2. (Psalm 139:13-16) God does not make trash but He made me in His image. I am His workmanship (Ephesians 2:8-10) and He created me with a purpose.
  3. My friends do care! This is another open/closed door case where God wants my time. He does not want the leftovers of my day. They are figuring their priorities too and I also keep things from them.
  4. God has formed me for my passion and gives me the capability to perform in my classes. I am not intelligent on my own, but God gives me this capacity. When this comes up: "Are you questioning God's intelligence?"
  5. All I need is an unchanging foundation and I associate this with a significant other. God is the only unchanging one.
  6. I am a failure when I do not let God lead. But because of Christ's sacrifice, I am blameless in His sight and He loves me. I am an heir in His kingdom.
Any verses you may have, please do not hesitate to pass them on!