Deja Vu

Déjà vu

So I finally got some down time to update my blog. The past day and a half has been filled with seeing old/new friends, meeting parents, pizza, coffee, hanging with my Dad, awesome hugs, and very little sleep. It is totally worth it and the fact that I am really seeing God’s hand in things this year is making everything new for me.

I went to Convocation yesterday. In case you do not know what Convocation is, I will explain it to you. It is this huge event held at the Carpenter Center on Campus to discuss the State of the University. The Provost, chair of academic senate, and the Prez all speak on the future of the CSULB.

I looked through the P. Scholar picture book and remembered the first time I saw one. I received one on the day I was nominated for this program. I remember looking at all the people and saying to myself, there is no way you will get this. Even today I still cannot believe that I am here. I am so blessed to be here and I am still finding what God has in store here.

I started to tear up a little when I thought back on how far things have come over the past year. I am an overly emotional individual so this is not surprising to me. My relationship with God is so much more now than it was a year ago. I have mellowed out a whole lot. I have made friendships that I know will grow. I might have also gained some weight so I might need to change that one lol. But for the most part, I am a different person than I was a year ago.

Be in prayer for my first week as I am getting used to a new schedule[both work and school] and I also have a lot of walking to do. I need to water!

God's Infinite Love

God’s infinite love

So I could have just left the title and that would have been enough. God is sufficient for all my needs and definitely for this blog.

But I am not going to. =)
The past week has been incredibly weird and God is showing me more and more how much he loves me. Last time I added to the blog I had mentioned my sleep deprivation and my lack of wanting foodage. Well that continued pretty steadily until yesterday [Sunday] where for some reason I was craving some food and also a well needed nap [I only got the food but God delivered me great friends to keep me awake].
I was also incredibly stupid this weekend. I went against God’s will and took things into my own actions. I realized the second after I gave into my wants what an idiotic move that was. Why do I seem to have some extreme authority issues with the God of the universe but not a mere man? Geez. But I have been praying not only for God’s forgiveness but also for Him to change my wants and desires to fit His plan. I also told Him to keep a thumb on me so I cannot move until He says. Obedience is difficult, but, as I discussed with Katrina earlier, it is better to be stabbed in the face [with truth] than to be stabbed in the back [with lies or truth].
I was really excited because last week I got to work with my favorite teacher from high school, Mr. Hartsock. I got to share with him what I have been learning about God and it is funny because I finally understand what Hartsock was getting at for the past five years. God is love and judgment all in one, who am I to dictate His moves?
I go back to Long Beach this week and I am praying nonstop for a year that brings glory to my loving God and keeps me in His loving arms. I need prayer to really keep my focus on God and His desires, not my own. I also need to pray that I can stop being so self-serving and really be a true servant of the most high!
Please keep me in your prayers this semester, and especially the upcoming week. I am going to need some serious strength. I would even be ok with God’s weakness and foolishness because it is infinitely more than I will ever need. [Thanks for giving that awesome advice at Last Blast Alissa!]
Peace =)

Encore Deluxe

So it has been an intense day.

Yesterday my friend [I call him my brother] and his girl friend came down to spend the night here in cc and then today we went to our friend Katrina's birthday get together at her house. I was extremely nervous to meet my friend's girl friend and I just prayed all day yesterday that we would get along great and that she wouldn't hate me. Well God definitely answered that prayer. I loved her to death and while she might not find me cool that is ok.

I love being able to see how God works in other people's lives and also getting the chance to share what God is doing in me.

Today went pretty much according to plan, which if you know me....nothing happens like I plan it to. I was able to get my transcript request in without waiting in line, I got new strings and a new strap for my guitar [the strap is amazing fyi], and I got to spend quality time with people that I truly love and play the awesome game of Encore. I was nervous because I was going to be hanging out with the guy I liked a lot [if you are clueless about who this is...read the previous blog] and I wanted things to be normal and chill. But as soon as I saw him i felt anger and sadness.

Looking back on our time together today I wish I could do some things differently. Like just joking around and really opening up like we used to. I felt distant and he probably did too which makes me sad. I am hoping he will come out to visit me before we go back to LB and we can really talk and just get things square between us. He is such a good friend and I need to treat him better than I did today, I pray gives me the chance.

Then I got to meet up with my friend Isa at Jack-N-The-Box and just talk about what God is doing in our lives. If you do not know Isa then you are sadly being deprived of one of the best people in the world. Today our conversation turned in a way I didn't expect and she said something I didn't agree with. Last year I would have gotten into a debate but today I just listened and desired to learn from her...not jump down her throat like I do normally with people who disagree with me. God is definitely teaching me patience and giving me a heart that longs to learn and understand...not totally criticize.

God is working in my life so much that sometimes I get lost in what He is doing. I am seeing change and definitely hurting from it but also loving it. Its like the pain that comes from exercise.

I need some serious prayer because lately I have had no desire to eat or sleep. These are two things I need and please pray that soon I will be able to eat [healthy of course] and sleep and actually want to.

That is it for now!

So about last night

Last night was one of the weirdest nights I have had in awhile. It all started off with me watching the Degrassi movie. Which was good but also sucked because it lefts so many stories unfinished and I know that most of those people are not going to be in the show any more so that kind of cheesed me off.

However, Ellie said a line that I thought was really good. Maybe it is just because she used requited instead of returned but it comes when she and Craig are not really fighting and she says, " I just have to realize that my feelings for you will never be requited." I teared up a little but quickly got over it.

Well, then I got on Facebook and around 11 ish I started talking to the guy I really like right now. The conversation started off about the movie but after that I had to ask this question that i knew would break my heart. I asked him if he liked this other girl and he eventually told me that my suspicions were correct. The next hour I cried and said sarcastic and hurtful things back to him and I knew what I was saying was wrong. Because even if he never returned my feelings, he is one of the best friends I have/will ever have. [Do not worry Juliet, you trump them all! lol]

We continued to talk and slowly the tears stopped falling and my anger stopped and I realized I should apologize for my hurtful words. I started to feel better right away.

The conversation to a dramatic turn. I started talking about what all God has done for me over the past year, especially this summer, and just finally listing the blessing made me feel better. I also shared the passage Jeremiah 29:11, which he said was really great and really hopeful.

We talked for a bit more and then he needed to get to bed. Instead of me going straight to bed, I read the last verses from Zephaniah. They are so hopeful and even though I know these things to be true, I am glad God reminds of His never ending love for me [and everyone else of course].

This morning I woke up far earlier than I intended, and while my first response to the idea of today is to sit around and cry and eat ice cream in my pjs and just watch musicals, God had bigger plans and got me up 6 hours after I fell asleep. So I have no idea what is in store but it is going to be better than Ben and Jerry!

"Praise Him if we lose and Praise Him if we win!" -Facing the Giants

So In short: Degrassi movie was good if you have watched the series [if you have not...do not watch it!], my heart was bruised but not broken, and God is so good and loves us more than anything we could ever imagine!

Peace yo!

I do not blog

The title of this blog is exactly how I felt a year ago when asked why I didn't have a blog. And to some extent, the statement is still true. However, I feel that I should jump on this bandwagon or whatever because I want people to know what is going on in my life and how they can pray for not only me but for others that I may come in contact with.

So let us begin with an update on the current life of me...sounds awfully conceited.

For those of you who do not know, I am going to be starting my second year at CSULB. This past week I was hit with a total of five anxiety attacks. Most came when I was trying to figure out how much I owed for food plan or when I was worried that i would not have my job this coming fall. Then, when I would try to read my Bible I would get intense warm spells that made me feel sick or I would find it hard to breathe. This was definitely not normal.

I finally got stuff academically and financially fixed so I was able to breathe easier. And when the attacks started coming in really bad while I was reading, I got on facebook. Thank goodness for the prayers of good friends!

I have been doing a study of Zephaniah. I know it makes Katrina laugh a lot when I say that I never realized there was a Zephaniah but I truly didn't. How did I not know this great book existed? Any ways, it has been convicting me a lot on my walk with God. I know [now fully] that God's grace does not leave but that I want to study the Bible more to deepen my relationship with Him. This book, along with Blue Like Jazz, has shown me a lot about how I treat others and how I treat God. God placed these things into my life for a purpose, and believe me they have had their affect.

So in short: God has transformed my thinking this summer, prayer is helping thwart the attacks of Satan, and I am going to have a job this year....yay!

Well I will update more later. Peace