just realized something

I am starting to figure out that I do not matter to people. I see all the happy conversations people are having via facebook and I feel left out. I am giving up I think. No one reads this blog any way.

It's about time

So I figured it was about time I updated this thing with my conclusion of STP. I am going to do so but I am going to preface this little spiel with the fact that I am still processing and I will most likely not know to the extent that I learned at the Greenhouse STP. I am still processing all that was said, reading through journals and attempting to sift emotions that I have about the whole experience. This is quite a lengthy process.

Any ways....on to the good stuff.

I think one thing I learned that I didn't necessarily understand before was more on the concept of God liking me. Ok, you are probably saying to yourself, "Athena, God loves everyone." Yes, I know but does He like me? The answer is not only yes but he takes delight in me. Kyu-Ho gave a great talk on the kingdom and what God desires from us. He desires faithfulness, like that of a Bride to a Groom, Husband to wife. We are like kids in a living room running amuck and God is the Father on the couch just delighting in His child. This made me realize something and Kyu-Ho says it really well: The more we hide, the more we wonder which "us" He loves. Be honest and just know that He loves you, the real, messed up you!

I also learned the importance of evangelism and how to do it. Steven's crash course in how to strike up the convo was so handy. We did evangelism both Saturdays at STP and the first time I cried. I was so scared and nervous. Luckily, I had Diana, my teamleader, as my partner and she just told me to pray for us as we went out. I ended up sharing the bridge with a girl from Switzerland. This made me realize that I want to do an IBD with international students next semester. Hopefully it works out.

I think the greatest concept that was reinforced while there was the awesomeness that praying through Psalm can be. Towards the end of STP, I was fed up with getting nothing from Colossians, and maybe I wasn't meant to, but I was ready to just throw in the towel. Steven encouraged me to read Psalm 13 and oh boy that chapter is so what I was thinking....minus the last part. Psalm 13 says:

¹^A)"> How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
²How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

³ Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

⁵But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
⁶I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

I was pretty much feeling it all except the last part. I wasn't remembering God's faithfulness. I started journaling through this and this led to other Psalms and other books.

We also had some really fun dance time =)

So To recap: STP was awesome and I am still finding that I learned more than I thought. I also made good friends even if they do not talk to me on facebook now.
My life is moving pretty fast out here in the desert and I am spending time getting a lot of stuff done in my room. I hope you are all well and look forward to seeing some of you soon!