A not so nice trip down memory lane....

It is a sad thing when you come to the conclusion that the people you were friends with in High School never really cared about you.

That being said, let me explain. Now when I say friends I do not mean Eirene, Nancy, Juliet, Jarod, Shalena, Mary, Corie, or any of the people I hung out with Senior year. This blog is dedicated to the people I know will never read it: Elliot and Tori Mork, Daniel, Peter, and Abbie Loehrer, and Brian Sattler. These are the people that this blog is about and also the sources of my latest realization: sometimes Christians are not true friends.

The people listed above were some of my inspirations in my pursuit of God. I played at their youth group, they were small so an acoustic set was always worth it, I bought them stuff, I invited them to parties, saved them seats on the bus, shared all my problems with them, and I thought they were what friendship looked like. I realize that during the time I hung around them, namely freshman and sophomore year, I was not mature and very needy when it came to friendship. I had not yet learned about how Christ's love is sufficient and that I didn't need to be accept by worldly standards. However, I thought that we would be friends for much longer than those two years. Imagine my disappointment when they stopped talking to me all together when they graduated and I was left behind.

I can understand losing contact but, besides Abbie, none have an excuse. I attempted to add Tori, Brian, Peter, and Daniel on my facebook. Tori flat out denied my friend request, Peter and Brian accepted but refuse to return any form of contact, and Daniel deleted me. Elliot and I talked through cell communication up until the time Ronnie moved to New Mexico. I remember the last convo clearly. I asked him for his new number and he replied, " If I wanted you to have my number, I would have called you."

These people told me they were my friends. These people lied to me and made me feel like I mattered. They act as if they are true followers and lovers of Christ but then they did this to me. The acted as if I never existed or mattered. My future of friendships will be forever tainted and fearful because of what this group did to me. I still have issues with trust and I honestly think that once I leave LB, the people I love now will forever deny my existence in their lives. This has been haunting me for the past two years now and I think it is because I am starting to see events repeat themselves.

If any of the above listed reads this, which is highly unlikely, I hope that God continues to work in your lives. I do not wish any ill will upon any of you. I am hurt by your actions but I know that God is sufficient and will provide me with the ability to move on past what you have done.

These feelings have been bugging me the past few days and I just had to let them out. Now that they are out, I hope I can just let go.

So over this nonsense

I am a Christian for those of you who do not know. I love God and I serve Him above all things. Over the summer I was shown the depth of God's love (or at least my small ability to comprehend it) and so I have been trying to give that love to others. I am finding it incredibly hard in a world where Christians are telling me to not be friends with gays or like musicals. I love people! I love everyone whether you are gay, lesbian, cross-dresser, cutter, druggie, pole dancer, or anything in this world. I love because God has shown love to me. And I think this ties in really well with the one lesson I learned over the summer. The reason I love God is because He is so kind and loving. He loves us where we are and He never expects us to be perfect when we come to Him. Maybe if we, as Christians, spent more time loving people and showing them God's kind character, maybe, just maybe gays wouldn't think God hates them or maybe it would convince the druggie that there is some one out there who loves them so much. God's kindness has the ability to change people but if we are sitting around hating on everyone then they are not going to see God's love displayed through us. I came to God because of His unconditional love and kindness, not because I was afraid of hell. If I came to God just to escape hell then all I would be seeking is fire insurance, not the love that God has offered. God did not come to heal the healthy, but to heal the sick. He came to save sinners. I am not saying that homosexuality, drug use, or sexual lifestyles are to be accepted. They should never be accepted BUT WE STILL NEED TO LOVE THEM REGARDLESS! I am tired of fighting with Christians on this issue and it is starting to bug me quite a bit. God loves everyone, no matter whether they like it or not! Show the same to others. I truly believe that homosexuals are the least witnessed to group and they are the ones who need God's love.

So here is your challenge: Show God's love to people you do not believe deserve His love (Aka everyone because even I do not deserve His love).